It’s been a pretty long while since I made my last status update for the site, so I figured I’d do so again to state some things and my plans for catching up on my queue: Mainly due to the rollercoaster of events happening in the world this year, and the effect they’ve had on my production/stress/etc. Here’s an update for transparency, and what I’ll try to do so I can pick up the pace!
Obviously, stress from the virus going on was one aspect: Early this year, I managed to get my first ever IRL job… and then I got laid off from it a month after due to the virus, which led to me having a mental breakdown out of anxiety of myself and my grandmother catching it. This was in mid-march, and you may notice that’s when I slowed down hard for a while. Indeed, I was sent into a depression and lack of energy state, where I hardly wanted to do anything at all, let alone write reviews.
Because of that, some review copies I got around that time just sat there, me only gradually getting my energy back in April, but just barely. As of now, I still do not feel safe enough to resume working at this job, and thus as a result I’ve just been hoping that any week now, it’ll be over and done with here. Unfortunately the truth is that it never seems to end, no matter how much assurance I get from family. Thus, my mood plummeted and was like that until the middle of June.
However, I did pick things up a bit in May: mainly due to me getting used to being at home, and gradually getting the work back to write. This is why it picks up a bit more in May, and stayed that way for a bit. I didn’t do the five reviews a week I used to do, but I still did a decent amount and was very proud of myself for knocking some out. but on the other hand, a lot of april/may reviews were of bigger games, thus meaning longer detailed reviews… Which I like doing, but leave little time for the other sort of thing. I also got more time to catch up on stuff in my review queue, prepping a lot of games for the writing phase of my process!
June was where it got better and worse: The good news is I went on vacation, having a good and safe time in an isolated area far from any of the big hotspots in my area. Thus, relaxing in a vacation cabin area is just the thing I need, boosting my morale and mood more than I have in a year. (since there was also stress from the events I had in 2019) I even got a nice setup for my PC so I can play it on my TV, making reviewing that part of the queue super duper easy. But on the other hand, this relaxation up here is a thing I take for granted at times: I’ve found myself, while still distancing, kinda forgetting how dangerous the world is in general, even up here. I’ve had some stupid incidents happen lately where I gave myself a bad allergy, or ripped a muscle in my hip, and these just make me not want to focus on writing. The fact that I’m trying to treat this time as “normal time” seems to be a reaction from me, hoping for normalcy, even though I can’t force it this way. I’ve had a small amount of online peers test positive for COVID19, and thankfully they’re all OK, but it was still a scare. (My own father also seems to have been positive, but was totally asymptomatic, and refuses to even tell me more details or even if he was around me when he had it… But it’s been so long now I think I’m fine)
So even up in my haven… I still have anxiety about the virus. I still worry about getting sick if I go into town for something, or go somewhere and come in contact with a maskless person. It’s very concerning and as others know, I generally have an extreme phobia of death or getting hurt, so that’s just made things worse for me. Thus, my mental health still isn’t 100%, even though this trip has made it heal way, way more than it was in my usual environment.
Thus, I’m just noting that I’m still working on the reviews: I got more games played, ready for the writing process, but I need free time to just go and do it. Thankfully, i’m confident sometime in the next week I can do that. I have some anxiety about making them good enough, as I don’t usually get much feedback on these but I try to make every review my best, but I feel I should just go at it and be myself. Basically my goal is to return to getting five-review weeks brought back, just like in my usual days. It’s gonna be tough, especially when lengthier games are involved, but I’m wanting to get back to my normal pace. For the developers and the readers that follow me. This includes some games I’ve not been able to cover for a few years due to the events of 2019 and being busy in general, so I’m hoping to continue working through my queue before going back into asking for too many new games: I still wanna check out a few new things now and then, but I still need to make sure to manage myself and focus on older things I’ve needed to cover first. It’s just the right thing to do.
In the meantime, just please take care everyone, and be safe! Reply if you have any questions about this, I’d be happy to answer anything.