Thanks to Skunk Software for the review code

Title: 6 Hand Video Poker
System: Wii U (eShop)
Price: $6.00
Release date: 3/31/2016

Graphics

The second the startup logo fades away, you’re sent to the only screen in the game, which is just as the title promised; Six hands, a DEAL Button, the title of the game, and a horribly simple city backdrop that scrolls infinitely, although very slowly at that. Hope you like bright, orange text folks!

Music and Sound

There’s no music in this game, which from what went into Now I Know My ABCs is probably a good sign. Unfortunately, its replaced by some of the worst choices for sounds that I have ever heard of in my entire life. I’m not even exaggerating at that last statement, it really is that bad. “How so?” You may ask. Well, how about background noise of discussion to try and emulate the feeling of being in a casino, noise that cuts off and resets to the beginning like a song from one of those old CD games? And how about bizarre choices for the sound effects, such as an electrical buzz for getting a successful pair, a generic noise for getting no matches, and the sound effect for holding cards or the deal button? I just explained every bit of sound that’s incorporated in this title, and the fact that it’s literally nothing more than a thrown-together mesh of sound proves my point from earlier.

Gameplay

Still, horrible presentation aside, I at least hoped for a simple Poker game, one that would be worth a decent price and would be good for getting high scores. Unfortunately, even THAT’S messed up somehow because of the fact that this game suffers from the exact same issue that Endless Golf did; infinite gameplay. You see, once you deal, you lose some points, so you gain some back by holding cards in hopes that the other cards from the other hands give you a profit. However, there’s no way that I could tell of increasing the amount of points bet, and it doesn’t care one bit if you go into the negatives. It just never ends, and outside of deleting the save data, it doesn’t seem to care about how high or low your current amount is, due to it labeling it as the “Lifetime total”. There’s no reason to do good or bad, there’s no reason to even try, since you could just randomly hit the Deal Button to see what you get without even holding a single card. It’s just baffling how shallow this experience is, all because it goes for the idea of having the game run forever instead of finding a way to have the player stop playing and give a score total.

Conclusion

In conclusion, 6 Hand Video Poker is by far the worst Wii U eShop game that I have ever reviewed in my life. I’m not even joking, it’s that poorly made. First you have the horrible presentation, with odd sound effects, irritating background noise, hard-to-read orange text, then you have the gameplay itself which is screwed up so badly that there’s no point in even trying your best when there’s no end in sight. With no extra modes, no way of “ending” the game for you to try and beat your best score, or even a way to adjust your bets, 6 Hand Video Poker is just abysmal, and I’m legitimately curious on if the developer made the game deliberately bad just for the heck of it, since some of the design choices are issues that could have easily been fixed due to how obviously glaring these issues are.

The worst part of all? This game costs $6.00 US Dollars. This is by far the most insulting pricetag to a video game that I’ve ever seen, simply because there’s barely any content to speak of and that fact that the developer even thought that pricing this game over dozens upon dozens of similarly priced games with boatloads of content in comparison is baffling. There’s just no way that I can think of that this wasn’t done for any other reason than to claim that you could have each poker hand for a dollar. Stay far, far away from this one at all costs, even if it ends up as a free game. There’s just no reason for this game’s existence, and I really hope things improve soon.

I give 6 Hand Video Poker a 0 out of 10. There’s zero redeeming qualities, a ridiculous price tag, shallow gameplay with no rhyme or reason, and horrible presentation. Combine that all, and you have a game that doesn’t deserve to exist on a paid storefront in its current state whatsoever.